Dear Love Coach,

I've been hanging out with a girl for the last couple of months, and I really like her. Nothing's happened between us, as the moment has never seemed right plus I'm a bit shy and haven't wanted to rush it.

The other night at a party I bumped into one of her friends, and I drunkenly admitted how I felt. To my horror it turns out that her and all her mates all assumed I was gay. I just couldn't believe it. Now I really don't know what to do and feel utterly miserable. Any advice?

Jake, Cardiff


Dear Jake,

Good lord. Why on earth did these girls think you were gay to start with? Are you mincing about the streets of Cardiff and dressing like those models in the front window display of American Apparel?

You only have yourself to blame. Sort yourself and start being more manly. Sling away the Spritzers in favour of pints of wifebeater and head out to the pub after a sweaty session in the park (playing footie that is, not sharking for action).

Let this girl know that you are a red-blooded heterosexual and I'm sure she'll be putty in your hands. Get in!