Well I haven't been to a gay club since I last logged in. I think I've been a bit naive and am going to make a more concerted effort to double check my date's gender before I go home with them. I thought her voice was a little gruff to be honest, but I just assumed it was the fags. Never mind.

The new thing that has happened to me since I was last here is that I've started getting into new rave fashion - or is it nu-rave? I'm not really sure.

I discovered it when I was out over Old Street way. There were loads of youngsters wearing really bright clothing so I thought I would give it a go. Surely a new look would help me pull birds. No? These kids are all in their early 20s and the fact that i'm almost 40 puts me way ahead of the game. I definitely have a more distinguished edge.

I started going out to DJ gigs wearing a bright yellow t-shirt, a hot pink baseball cap and gold skin-tight lame leggings and couldn't understand it when blokes started throwing peanuts at me, and the girls would giggle and point - especially while I was spinning at my local bar in Twickenham. I can only assume it was because I looked cool and they felt too intimidated to approach me. It's just a matter of time, they soon won't be able to resist me...