They say being a DJ makes you one of the most desirable men on the planet but I've been playing records around London for nearly a year and the only women who talk to me are the ones pouring me a pint. No love, I don't mind coins in my change and yes, salted nuts are fine. Thanks.

Before I became a DJ - house and electro is my thing - I used to envy those guys behind the decks as they always seemed to have loads of fit girls draped all over them. I thought it would be a piece of piss. I'm not sure what I'm doing wrong. When I'm mid-spin I don't even get a glance chucked my way, and every time I bring up my chosen new profession, when I'm chatting up a bird, they always seem to drift of with an unimpressed glaze across their face.

Last night I was throwing down some hot tunes behind the decks at Bar Rumba, W1, thinking I was the shit, and a hot brunette wearing skinny jeans leaned right over the booth, her killer plunging cleavage looming right at me. She whispered in my ear: "This music is shit, 'ave you got any R&B?"

Never mind, hopefully next time.